Satireday on Shit Happens

Intellectual Prostitutes!

“There is no such thing, at this date of the world’s history, in America as an independent press. You know it and I know it. There is not one of you who dares to write your honest opinions, and if you did you know beforehand that it would never appear in print.

I am paid $150 a week for keeping my honest opinion out of the paper I am connected with. Others of you are paid similar salaries for things, and if any of you would be so foolish as to write honest opinions would be out on the streets looking for another job. If I allowed my honest opinions to appear in one issue of my paper, before 24 hours, my occupation would be gone.
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The business of the journalists is to destroy the truth; to lie outright; to pervert; to vilify; to fawn at the feet of Mammon, and to sell his country and his race for his daily bread. You know it and I know it and what folly is this toasting an independent press. We are the tools and vassals of rich men behind the scenes. We are jumping-jacks – they pull the strings and we dance. Our talents, our possibilities and our lives are all the property of other men. We are intellectual prostitutes!”

– John Swinton, 1914, former Editor, “New York Times”

Source: Running ‘Cause I Can’t Fly

Satireday on Shit Happens

Kim Jong-un goes awol: a short story by Jesse Armstrong

In September, North Korea’s supreme leader disappeared from public view for five weeks. No explanation was given for his absence from official events. Satirist Jesse Armstrong imagines what might have happened

Dear Marshal Professor Kim Jong-un, Supreme Leader,

We most humbly request you come out of the bathroom. You’ve been in there over a week now. The people need reassurance about your wellbeing. There are rumours.

Best,

The Army High Command, The Congress of People’s Deputies, The People of North Korea

I don’t want to talk about it. Fuck off. Send in some cheddar. Not a mild one. Something with a bit of a kick.

Source: TheGuardian Read the rest

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Satireday on Shit happens

Satireday on Shit Happens

My source: Running ‘Cause I Can’t Fly

Satireday on Shit Happens

Satireday on Shit Happens